Wicked Strategery

Scratch beneath the surface of middle-class America, and one can find the most shocking things. Eight to twelve-year old girls peddling addictive substances under the clever guise of moral character building and success in their future.

This cartel has experienced such widespread success that sects are prevalent in every community in the country. A network so advanced there isn't a city not within its grasp. A concept so ingenious that these preteen girls actually enjoy pushing their product on consumers. Perhaps even the very same children you see playing in the streets are runners for this organization.

These children are manipulated by their own parents and friends to peddle their wares, to addict every soul possible to their drug. Just one sample is enough to create an addiction. Just one bite... of a Girl Scout cookie, of a Thin Mint has created an addict out of me.

The months of February and especially March have been a blessing for my withdrawal symptoms - it's been a full nine months since my supply ran out. Every time I left a grocery store or a Wal-Mart there were Girl Scouts selling cookies. Every time I walk past their stand, I'm solicited for cookies. The boxes, lo they do call to me. They bid me take my place among them in the cookie-filled halls of Valhalla.

Even at work, mothers tried to sell me their daughter's girl scout cookies. Everywhere I turned, cookies! They were everywhere. And worst of all, I wanted some. I had to have them all.

For those of you who haven't figured it out, I have a terrible craving for Thin Mints. There's just something so yummy about a mint cookie. My girlfriend has an obsession with Tag-a-longs. And Dosidoes are just so peanut-buttery delicious.

While this obsession lasts all year and the cravings never cease when I know I have a box somewhere, the cookies are only available for two months out of the year. And last Sunday was the last day they were available. But perhaps worst of all is the cookies I still have... the cookies I need to feed my addiction.